The past trip around the old sun has indeed been an interesting one, to say the least. If you’ve made it this far then, I must say, congratulations. You almost made it through one of the strangest years in recent memory. I’m sure not everyone had a rough year, in fact, I’m sure some of you had the best year of your lives. Don’t worry; I’m not jealous. Not even a little bit, really don’t worry about it. I can’t help but think that If only I were better prepared for the past 365 days maybe things would have been different. Probably not, but it’s nice to be optimistic about 2018.
For 2018 I will start it off the right way! You should do it too! To help all of you start this next year off right here are 35 of the funniest tweets to help kick off 2018 on the highest possible note. If you need to find the best possible song to usher you into the new year, then look no further. I mean, who doesn’t want to start off 2018 immediately as the beautiful drum solo from “In the air tonight” by Phil Collins concludes. I can’t imagine a better way to gain some momentum heading into our next trip around the sun, good luck not having the most fabulous year of your life with that hot start. Either way best of lucks out there and Happy New Years, folks!
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys?
— Megan Kelly Dunn (@megankcomedy) December 31, 2015
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word "stop."
— Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) January 1, 2014
2018 New Years' Resolution: Survive
— Wyeth Yates (@wyethyates) December 11, 2017
if you play "bring me to life" by evanescence at exactly 11:59:08 on new years eve, the first "wake me up" will play at exactly midnight. start off your new year right
— oob (@tmcripple) December 16, 2017
New Year New Me
New Year New M
New Year New
New Year Ne
New Year N
— Me llamo Miguel (@mikeyhebert28) January 1, 2017
If you turn on the full replay of the 2012 New England Patriots-New York Jets Thanksgiving game on NFL Game Pass at 11:20:06pm on New Years Eve the buttfumble will play at exactly midnight
— Jessica Smetana (@jessica_smetana) December 21, 2017
I've seen 6 people post that their new year's resolution is to "loose weight." I can think of a slightly more useful resolution for them
— Brad Williams (@funnybrad) December 28, 2016
My New Years resolution is to try and put less than 4 chapsticks through the washer & dryer next year.
— Shawn Booth (@Shawn_Booth) December 27, 2016
My New Year's resolution is to give up alcohol. Oops, I meant: My New Year's resolution is to give up. Alcohol! #newyearsresolution
— Full Frontal (@FullFrontalSamB) January 4, 2016
If you play the #SVU opening at exactly 11:59:44 pm on New Year’s Eve, you’ll hear the "DUN DUN”, one of the most iconic sounds of all time, as the clock strikes midnight. Ring in 2018 right.
— Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (@nbcsvu) December 21, 2017
I'm already giving 2018 the side eye. pic.twitter.com/cucYZHtnm9
— Jasmine Wilder (@Jasminewilder21) December 2, 2017
New Years resolution: exercise (my right to eat) more (tacos)
— val-ay (@lionprincessval) December 31, 2015
If you go to Settings -> Deactivate My Account, click the blue button, enter your password, and click the button again on December 31st at 11:59:58 your Twitter account will disappear right as the clock strikes midnight. Start off your new year right.
— James Chalmers (@ProfChalmers) December 21, 2017
2017 beat my ass while my stress, anxiety and depression yelled worldstar
— VINETRIA (@VINTERINE) December 4, 2017
Telling people your New Years resolution so you'll "be accountable" is a great way to find out that no one cares about your resolution.
— Donna McCoy (@Donna_McCoy) December 29, 2016
My new years resolution is to stop biting my toenails. Nervous habit I picked up during all these meetings at work.
— Will Hinsa (@WillHinsa) January 1, 2015
If ur worried ur not gonna get a New Years Eve kiss just remember the Valentines Day is in 45 days n ur probably gonna b alone for that too.
— Clare Terry (@ClareTerry2020) December 30, 2015
Bill Nye is short for "William New Years Eve"
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) January 3, 2017
If you play 'In The Air Tonight’ by Phil Collins on December 31st at 11:56:40 the drum break will play right as the clock strikes midnight. Start off your new year right.
— Phil Collins (@PhilCollinsFeed) December 21, 2017
If you boil your kettle at exactly 11:56:01 on New Years Eve, you will have made a cup of tea at exactly midnight.
Start your New Year off right.
— Boring James Milner (@BoringMilner) December 20, 2017
I have decided to leave my past behind me so If I owe you money… bitch I'm sorry, but I've moved on.
— A$AP Rocky (@ASAPRockyTRILL) November 18, 2013
If you play any song at 11:59 at New Years Eve 10 seconds before midnight it will make no difference bc 2018 will suck anyway
— Kat (@Katherine_Maryy) December 21, 2017
If you boot up a playlist of John Cage's 4'33" looped 115,517 times consecutively right at 11:57:38 you can sit your ass in complete silence for a full calendar year. don't start 2018 off right. don't start it at all. fool me once motherfuckers
— Ace (@AMillennialDog) December 19, 2017
If you play “The Best” by Tina Turner on December 31st at 11:58:57, Tina will say “You’re simply the best!” at exactly midnight. Start off your new year right.
— TinaTurner (@LoveTinaTurner) December 21, 2017
if you play Mr. Brightside by The Killers at 11:59:47pm on December 31st you can start your new year by coming out of your cage
— Meg♤//15 (@blindmelcn) December 17, 2017
If you play “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!” by Shania Twain at exactly 11:59:57 on December 31st, you’ll hear “let’s go girls”, one of the most iconic lines of all time, as the clock strikes midnight. Enter 2018 the right way.
— lex (@shaniaxtwain) December 19, 2017
if you play “Sign of the Times” by Harry Styles on December 31st at 11:59:12, the line “we never learn, we’ve been here before” will drop right as the clock strikes midnight and remind that you didn’t do shit with your life for the last year and probably won’t in 2018 either
— N. ✨ (@thebridgeofkiwi) December 18, 2017
If you play Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sounds Of Silence" at exactly 11:59:57 pm, you'll hear the incredibly apt line "hello darkness my old friend" at exactly midnight. Perfect way to start off 2018. https://t.co/7wOwuZ4aG8
— Sarah Mimms (@SarahMMimms) December 18, 2017
if you start Welcome To The Black Parade at 11:54:56 PM on new year’s eve you’ll start 2018 on the last drumbeat of the song.
rt to save an emo
— mykie mallory (@mykiemallory) December 20, 2017
if you start listening to Golden by Fall Out Boy at 11:57:28 on New Year's Eve, you'll start 2018 listening to Thnks fr th Mmrs which is the only way to start the year tbh
— Kyle Seth Gray (@kylesethgray) December 20, 2017
If you play "Country Roads” by John Denver at 11:59:29 pm on New Year's Eve the first “country roads take me home” will play right as the clock strikes midnight. Start off your new year right.
— Rachel Teter (@Teter06) December 19, 2017